Foley Artists, Take Heed…

Okay, so here’s a thing: Why, why, why is it that even on the best of the best quality shows – brilliant writing, phenomenal acting, genius productions [almost] overall – they still can’t get simple shit like foley right?
For instance, on one of my favourite shows (no names mentioned, but the initials are Homeland), one of the main characters has come back to a location from which they have just escaped in order to track down the very bad man who held them captive. A man who, it has been clearly established, is very definitely armed with a pistol. She grabs one of the only things at hand, a pipe or crowbar – the location being an abandoned mill – and proceeds to stalk him through this huge, empty building.
Here’s my problem, oh foley-producers, editors, producers, and directors everywhere: How the FUCK do you expect to STALK an armed someone if you’re making more noise going up and down stairs than a blind-drunken roommate at 3am? I know this much: as an actor, when I’ve been required to sneak up on someone in a scene, NO ONE can hear my goddamn footsteps, not even the sound guy with a mic pointed at my size 14s. So, why am I hearing what sounds like cattle with tap shoes when any one of tv’s characters are moving through any scene requiring stealth??
And, why, when she picks up the pipe, does some bright spark in the foley booth feel the need to add a 10-second-long, very loud, Warriors-style, metal-on-cement sound effect to indicate that she’s got a pipe in her hand now? Um, it’s a visual medium, folks… pretty sure I can see the motherfuckin’ pipe, thank you. I don’t need to hear it, too, but pretty sure Abu-fucking-Nazeer can also hear that she’s just picked it up from the comfort of his hidey-hole at the far end of the factory.
I just realized something. On the same show (yes, I am writing this while watching the episode in question, hence all of the – now corrected – grammatical errors) I can hear LESS footstep foley in a scene where there are four people walking hurriedly through a hall with marble floors, in a shot where the characters absolutely do not care how much noise they make – being in a public place – than I can in all of the dark alley/creepy warehouse/dingy basement scenes that I have ever seen. Why is that? This is not a rhetorical question. I want an answer. ‘Cause you people are annoying the fuck out of me, quite frankly.
What is it… are you justifying your pay? Do you think we’re all stupid? Do all foley people study under the same deaf professor? What is it? What’s the answer? And, if there isn’t a decent one, here’s a thought: fucking stop it. Now. For the love of dog. Just stop.
Thank you.
All of Your Viewers. (Even the deaf ones.)


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